I’m going to stop keeping track of how many blogs I’ve started. When I start a new one, its a breath of fresh air. A representation that I’m starting something new. A clean slate. And from here on out, I’m promise not to leave this one.
I’m committed to this one and my reason for starting it. Which is to be honest in every aspect of my life. To be intentional about my time, my actions, my thoughts. And to focus on the moment I’m in right now.
When I say I’m going to be honest from here on out, it doesn’t mean I’ve been incredibly dishonest. I don’t have any major secrets that I’m hiding about what I’ve done, but I know I can do better.
In my faith.
I want to talk to God about everything. About my actions, my plans, my thoughts, my feelings. I want to really sit with Him and not be afraid to just lay it out with Him. I know He already knows it, but theres something about speaking it that adds a whole new factor. It makes it real. Speaking it makes me vulnerable because I’m showing a weakness. I’m showing that yes, I am broken and I need Him constantly. But this is the only place where I grow. In this place where I’m before His feet, laying everything down. Only in my weakness, am I forced to cling tighter to my Savior. But that is the only place I want to be.
In my relationships.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my relationships lately. I have some really great relationships in my life, but I struggle often with community. With letting people in, with going deeper. What blocks me is the same thing that builds a wall with the Lord. I’m scared of being vulnerable, of being completely honest. But I know that doing so will draw me closer, and thats what I’m going to work on.
In what and how I eat.
In all my blogs, I’ve talked about food. Thats because its been such a huge part of my life. That sounds silly, we all need to eat right? But I’ve used it over and over as something its not meant to be. Even when I know I’m doing it, I continue to use it as comfort, as a way to hide what I’m feeling. Because of this, it ties into everything. My faith, my relationships, and my future. In thinking of the name for this blog and what I wanted it to represent, I thought of all these things. But how does honest relate to food? Well first, I need to be honest with myself when I go to eat something. About why and if I should be eating something. And second, I want my food to be honest. I want it to be produced and prepared in an honest way that benefits me.
So thats what I’m going to talk about here. And I’m going to do it without editing. Of course I’m going to check for grammar, but I’m not going to worry about saying too much. I want to be honest in however many words that takes.
So here goes nothing!