Two bags on my left arm, backpack on my back, and my clothes hamper held against my side so I don’t have to make a second trip. I drop the bag with food in the kitchen and the rest in my room. After putting my spinach and broccoli in the fridge and throwing the rest in the pantry, I grab the mail key and check the mail. I got my new insurance cards, my roommate got a bill, the rest gets thrown on the table, junk. The air needs turned on. I grab a glass of water, and sit at my desk. My computer lights up. Yahoo, Facebook, Twitter, and Google Reader keep me busy for maybe twenty minutes.
It feels good to come “home” to my little apartment. I love spending time with my family, but theres something about having your own space that you’re responsible for. Especially for the first time. (I don’t count the dorm which was the size of my room now). I enjoy this feeling of being here for a little while. Turn on a show that has been recorded. Make dinner, eat it with chopsticks. Everythings good.
But now what?
I feel the urge to make a snack, even though I just ate dinner. Frustrated with the feeling, I go back to my computer. Nothing new on Facebook. One new email, junk. Maybe I’ll watch another show? Maybe I’ll play my guitar? I look for the adaptor to my keyboard, no luck. I guess I’ll blog.
So I sit and write, trying to make the trivial actions of the past couple hours sound somewhat interesting. I’m sure it doesn’t, but it kept me busy. And I’m trying to get to the point.
Why do I find it so hard to just be still? When I have a million things to do, all I want to do is nothing. But then nothing is here, I search for things to keep me numb for a little while. Like snacking, television, Facebook, twitter, shopping, etc. This go, go, go mentality keeps me tied up even when all I want is to do nothing. When I want to sit and be still with the Lord, I can’t quite my spirit because it still wants something to do, even if that something is a mindless treadmill. My body is still, but my inside is grabbing at everything and anything that will occupy it for even a little while. Then it grabs for something else.
There are so many things in this culture meant to satisfy this grabbing inside of us, even with the disguise of being relaxing. And we are a weak people. Unless we intentionally take control of our mind and body, our souls will wander. Our Father wants us to be still with Him, find peace in Him, find rest in Him. In giving Him the full attention of our mind and body, our souls will be satisfied.
None of the things in this world will give us rest, even though they make a pretty good argument to make us think they will. Christ is the only way to satisfaction.
In Him, and Him alone, I can be still.