..really?

Have you ever done something and then been like “what THE EFF did I just do?!”

In my short twenty years here on this earth, I feel like I’ve said that a lot. Not because I’ve necessarily done anything terrible, but because I’m a worrier. I’m a people pleaser. I’m an analyzer. I’m a perfectionist. And this all piles up into a big ole batch of crazy.

I had another one of these moments when I said I would foster another dog this weekend. I was living alone for a week and I was weak. But I PROMISE NO MORE FOSTERING/ADOPTING/LOOKINGATPUPPIES/FOLLOWINGRESCUEGROUPSONFACEBOOK. really. My roommate is going to keep me accountable. really.

I’m having another one of those moments right now. Why THE EFF did I say I would be completely honest here? I don’t want to write anything right now. I just want to curl up with some Hulu, drink some tea, and wallow about how I’m feeling without telling anyone.

BUT, I won’t do that. Its going to be a little “thought vomit” style as my sister called it.

I can’t stop thinking. About the future and about dogs. (Seriously) But working through the thoughts is helping. I try and make a deeper meaning out of everything, so just stick with me here. I have trouble with community. I love it, and I need it, but theres like this wall whenever I try to reach out. It chokes me up and blocks me from digging deeper into better relationships. So instead of dealing with that, I’ve been trying to save dogs. The future is a little narrower with a dog. But as much I want that, I don’t. So I’m sticking with that promise up there. I promise. 😉

I got really upset at work today because I couldn’t take my break when I wanted. I’ve worked five days in a row of long shifts and someone called out today so I was stuck. I was hungry. I felt like I was being forgotten and the line of customers was never ending. So after six hours of cashiering without a break and without food, I was done. I didn’t know when they would pull me, and I almost cried. Not really, but kind of. I felt so silly and it made me think about how upset I get over super silly things. Moving on.

I’m going to cook a bunch this summer. Also, I’m going to get off sugar. FOR REAL. This may be another “WTF did I do” moment, but its a goal.  I came home all stressed from work and went right for the chocolate chips/peanut butter and other sugary junk that doesn’t help anything. I was going to run this evening. I was mad at myself. Moving on.

I’m going to try and get less frustrated with people. Its really easy to do at work. really easy. Especially one of my co-workers, who is younger than me and tries to tell me what to do. Learning to love everyone is no joke.

This summer is going to be a turning point. By the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, everyone overcome. Including me.

Have you ever seen the segment on the weekend report with Seth Myers on SNL called “really?”? It might be my favorite thing ever.

And just a little PSA, I’m only blogging Mon-Fri which is why I didn’t blog over the weekend. 🙂

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2 thoughts on “..really?

  1. Honestly…I love this post. It is so you. Or the you I’ve known for the last 8 years. 🙂 And, it makes me want to be honest with you…I am super excited that we’re going to Allume Social in October. It will be like our Saturday morning trips to the barn and I miss those.

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