stormy.

I can’t usually say that it has been literally raining all day. But today, it has been raining ALL day. Florida is being consumed by tropical storm Debby. Trees are down, power is out, streets and homes are flooding, and all the froggies are out.

Storms are the best time to sink into bed with that book that stirs your soul and wrap your hands around a cuppa tea. The black polka-dotted rain boots make you want to jump in puddles throwing your head back with an opened mouth laugh, spread your arms wide, and spin around.

Some people hate the storms. They’re loud and scary. Going out is a hassle. You’re umbrella turns upside down in the rain leaving your hair soaked. Your car gets wet and your clothes stick to you.

But we need the storms- the fishies and the froggies and even the mean alligators, the trees and the peaches and the flowers.

Things can be dry for a while. The sand is hard and forms deep cracks. The flowers hang their petals low and the trees thirst for wet ground. Its easy to forget about the storms when its dry. They seem so far off, unattainable, impossible.

But after the dry spell, the storm comes in and leaves broken branches in your yard. It seems as it might never end. Surely we have the water we need by now? But it keeps coming.

Whether you’re in a dry spell, or storm, or the trees and flowers are all happy, there is a purpose for this time. Yes in the eco-system sense, but I mean our personal storms. You saw that coming right? 😉

Maybe some trees need to be knocked down in our life. Maybe we’re being taught to thirst stronger and draw closer to the Living Water. Maybe we’re being filled to the brim so we overflow with nothing but grace and gratitude. Maybe our hearts have deep cracks and our head is hanging low, hang on. The storm will come.

We will thirst, we will be filled, we will be shaken, and we will be healed. The rain will fall on us and restore.

We can trust even in the chaos of the storm, because we know the Weather Man. 😉

confidence

When I think about confident people, I think about popular, famous people. I think about people who have it all together and can do so in front of everyone.

Rarely, do I think about the Samaritan women by the well.

I’ve always liked her for some reason. But I’m nothing like her.

When Jesus asks her for a drink, she’s not afraid to say who she is. She’s a Samaritan, He’s a Jew-  they don’t mix. He offers her living water, but she needs to know more. And she’s not afraid to ask it.

I wonder what I would have done if I was her. I probably would have just given Him a drink of water and then been on my way. If He offered me living water, I would have raised my eyebrows, said “no thank you”, and thought nothing else of it.

Oh, what I would have missed out on.

The deep pull in me to please people doesn’t want to stir things up. It would have been easier to just give Him the water. That doesn’t require me to to reveal anything about myself, as she did. She lays herself out. She had five husbands. She knew her sin, and she didn’t try to hide it. Her words weren’t carefully crafted to only reveal what she wanted people to think of her. She was open, and ready.

And her life was changed. The jar was left in the dust and the water was not drawn. There were more important things. She carried the news of this Man and His living water to the village, where she boldly proclaimed what He had done for her. Her confidence changed lives.

By His grace, and by His strength, we grow to be confident. We lay our lives out in the open, and receive the change He wants for us. We are confident.

 

 

a father.

He rests a hand on my shoulder and turns his head down just a little. I’m not that much shorter anymore.

“This is my daughter,” he says.

I look up and shake a firm handshake.

Small talk. They go back to their conversation. I listen.

They talk about the worship set. They talk about youth group. They talk about how the Father is moving.

Someone else comes up to say hi. I know how he just wants to go and have lunch, but he stays and listens. Many want to talk with him, especially the youth-  his flock.

One of his own comes up, he already knows the question.

“I don’t know where we’re going for lunch.” he says in one breath. They smile and run off, wearing untamed patience.

I sit and watch him talk. He listens. He waits. He smiles.

He calls me his own.

I think I tell him how much I look up to him, but sometimes I’m quiet. Sometimes I just let my heart grow when I hear him talk about me. In the introductions, the conversations, the phone calls, I’m stilled with wonder that I get to be called his daughter. A man after God’s own heart. A man who shows his children how to chase it. A man who proudly calls his children, his.

A man I proudly call my Dad.

I love you so much Dad. I thank God that I get to be called your daughter, and I get the privilege of calling you Dad.

Even though I’m not with you today, I’m celebrating you! And even though you might not think so, you deserve it. 

Love you, Dad.

Happy Father’s Day!

 

 

work.

Happy Friday!

I’ve had the last two days off, so it feels a little like a Monday. 😉

I really enjoy my job, my co-workers, and the company, its a great college job. But lets be honest- its still work. And just like any job, it really tests my patience some times.

Yes, I can choose joy. (James 1:2)

Yes, I can do everything for the glory of the Lord. (1 Corinthians 10:31)

But it is still work. So we take to it an attitude of trying. Trying to do everything perfect to please the customers, our boss, and our self. This bubble of self worth in doing a good job is blown up in my own head. Yes, its good to do a good job, but I can do an even better job when I’m secure in who I am and what I believe.

When Jesus was teaching, the crowd asked “What can we do to perform the works of God?”

Jesus replied, “This is the work of God: that you believe in the One He has sent.” (John 6:28-29)

This is our work, to believe in Christ.

No matter what I’m doing, I can bring glory to God simply by believing.

And the rest will all work out.

(Except maybe being late, which I’m pretty close to being right now. 😉 )

Happy Friday, friends!

grace or the good girl ~ week 2.

If I could pick one book (other than the Bible) and hold it up while dancing around and screaming “Hallelujah!”, this book would be it.

Each new chapter I read, I let out a long sigh. Emily’s words bring to light what I have been fighting for so long, and by grace, those chains are being loosened.

So lets get into it shall we?

How are you doing today?

Emily talks about hiding behind the “fine” that is the normal “good girl” answer. Not too overbearing, has everything together, and is “fine” through it all. Sometimes we really are “fine”, but a lot of the time it suffocates the words that really want to come out. It allows fear to rule. I hide behind fine, because who wants to hear all the junk rattling around in my head? Thats where the bulk of my battle is. I don’t have a lot of actual drama in my life (Praise the Lord), but my struggles with insecurity are just as real. Hiding behind the fine is easier and more comfortable than trying to let you in to the craziness of my head.

But the hiding, is still hiding. And hiding is not growing. Hiding is not grace. I don’t have to hash out every detail when someone asks how I am, but I can share more than “fine.”

Being confident to share more reassures that my identity is in Christ alone. My identity is not in what anyone else thinks of me or even what I think they think of me. It’s not in what I’m doing to be a “better Christian” or how “good” my answers are.

On Pg. 65 Emily writes, “Anything we do to get life and identity outside of Christ is an idol, even service to Christ. He doesn’t want my service, He wants me.”

These chapters revealed to me how much I have been focused on pleasing God instead of being in a relationship with Him. I was so wrapped up in what I was going to do for the Kingdom thinking that was what God wanted from me. And as a good girl, it had to be perfect. Yes God has a plan for me, but God is not a business. He didn’t create us to simply do His work on this planet. That work comes from the overflow of praise we have for Him, once we know Him.

Who am I to think that if I don’t do something, its not going to get done? I can’t do everything, but God can. My identity is not in what I do or don’t do, but rests in what Christ has already done for me.

He doesn’t want my to-do lists or plans, He wants me to trust Him.

“But once I trust God, pleasing Him is automatic.” -pg. 65

He simply wants me. Me with all my messiness. Me with all my insecurity. Me.

I will rest in that.

 

.wordpress

is gone!

I didn’t have to work today, so I spent most of the evening transferring my blog to a new server!

And along the way I learned that I now NOTHING about websites.

Normal posting will be back tomorrow with this weeks grace for the good girl study.

But I can’t stare at my computer any longer.

so honestlyhere.wordpress.com now… du du du DA..

honestlyhere.com 

goals for growing ~ 6/10/12

almost forgot about this little project I started last week. BUT you can take a deep breath because I did not. 😉

So lets get started shall we?


What should we say then? Should we continue in sin so that grace may multiply? Absolutely not! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Or are you unaware that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death?  Therefore we were buried with Him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, so we too may walk in a new way of life.

Romans 6:1-4

Last weeks goals:

  • Follow my devotional and read some or all of 1 Peter everyday. -I’d say I did this 4 days out of last week. But I think I only missed one day of Bible reading.
  • Drink my water bottle all day long. (Not literally, I would die. ;) ) I’m aiming for 60 or more ounces a day. -I may not have met 60 ounces, but I did make a good effort to drink a lot! I’m thinking about it more, so I’ll get there.
  • Run 4.5~5 miles ~ I got in a four mile run, which I was happy with.
  • Buy someone I don’t know a coffee (or something similar). ~ ehh, I kind of failed on this one. I forgot about it until yesterday. I gave someone a free coffee at work though. Not what I intended though.

Okay, so, theres room for improvement!

This weeks goals:

  • Read through 1 Peter and journal everyday.
  • Make a budget for the rest of summer.
  • Start Insanity!
  • Buy someone a dang coffee! 😉

Bigger goals:

  • Work on being open about everything. I want to be an open book. I want to be vulnerable to have real conversation. Especially with the hard things.
  • Get rid of refined sugar, stick to a vegan diet.

Do you want to follow along?

Think of 3~4 goals that will challenge you someway, but are still attainable this week. And 1~2 goals that  are either far off or that are a big project you are working towards. (If you want to) It would be fun to share! Just link back to this post or let me know in the comments.

Hope your Sunday was lovely!

 

grace for the good girl.

I mentioned a few posts back about a book I was reading. A book that made me want to scream with every part of me that has fought for so long to be “good.” A book that put words to the false feelings of inadequacy, to the fear of being overbearing, and to the worry about doing the “right” thing.

This next month and a half or so I’ll be joining hundreds of other women diving into grace for the good girl by emily p. freeman, and I couldn’t be more excited. So many good girls tired of trying to beat the inner battle raging inside coming together. So many good girls learning to walk in the grace that is only found in Christ.

This first week we’re discussing the first three chapters. I highlighted and underlined no less than half of each page. It talks about hiding behind this good girl mask that makes us feel comfortable. Good girls don’t make waves, they do whats expected, or even better they go above and beyond to try and impress with their “goodness”. They don’t want to be a burden or express any sign of weakness, they want to have it all together. But inside they are struggling. They never think they are good enough.

This is me. I’m a good girl.

I’ve never had a desire to be anything else. I’ve never just wanted to be rebellious. But my desire to be good trumps everything else. I hide in the identity of being the “good Christian” instead of the identity of me.

Hannah- Daughter of the Most High King. Redeemed by the blood of Christ. Forgiven. Free. Inseparable from the love of God. Cherished. Beautiful. Enough.

My desire to be good has grown a fear in me. A fear that tells me I’m not enough. I’m not pretty enough, I’m not bubbly enough, I’m not funny enough, I’m not a good enough daughter, sister, student, christian.  Thats when we lose sight of love. God did not give us the spirit of fear. Any fear we have is not from Him. He is love.

“Fear drives.

But Love leads.”

-pg. 19

Love calls us into grace. Love gives us that identity that sets us free from that good girl hiding place. Love leads us to the arms of Christ. Love leads.

broken to action.

I didn’t plan on posting today. You might have guessed that as it is now 1:10 (my sleep schedule is wacked right now).

But I had to write something.

Remember this post where I talked about all that I wanted to do. I felt so helpless and broken because I couldn’t do everything at once.

I’m feeling that again tonight, but in a different way, a hopeful way.

I’ve talked a lot about the dog I’m currently fostering. Well, she is going to a rescue on Saturday (a good one) and it just sort of hit me tonight how much I’ve come to love her. (Don’t worry Chelsea and parents, she’s still going to the rescue.) And its not hard for me to fall in love with any animal. 😉 But still, its been hard accepting the fact that I can’t just rescue all the dogs I want until I’m more “settled”.

Today I was going back through some web sites I bookmarked about teaching abroad and sharing Christ. I got so excited just looking at all the opportunities and know that thats something I definitely want to do.

Tonight I went through Netflix looking for some food documentary to re-ignite my spark about food. I decided to watch Food Inc. again since I hadn’t seen it since senior year in high school. If you haven’t seen it, go watch it now. I cried a minimum of 5 times. That flame is a burnin’. One day I will have a huge farm where I can grow my own food, rescue a bunch of animals, and have it be a place where people can come to learn all about it.

So I know this post is really random. These are the things that I’m passionate about. Instead of wallowing that I can’t be doing all of them now, I’m excited about all that is ahead. I can’t do this things in the scale that I want to yet but I can still do them now.

I can volunteer with organizations to still help the puppies. I can eat sustainably. I’m one hundred percent back to being vegan. I’m more convicted than ever and so excited to spend the rest of the summer cooking and writing about it 😉

And most importantly, I can share Christ and impact my community here, now. I can use this time to grow in my relationship with Christ to prepare for those years. To be refined, to be grown, and to dig my roots deep in Christ.

*Edited to Add-

*I also want to be a high school English teacher so I can teach students to love reading and write better than I did in this post. 😉