I mentioned a few posts back about a book I was reading. A book that made me want to scream with every part of me that has fought for so long to be “good.” A book that put words to the false feelings of inadequacy, to the fear of being overbearing, and to the worry about doing the “right” thing.
This next month and a half or so I’ll be joining hundreds of other women diving into grace for the good girl by emily p. freeman, and I couldn’t be more excited. So many good girls tired of trying to beat the inner battle raging inside coming together. So many good girls learning to walk in the grace that is only found in Christ.
This first week we’re discussing the first three chapters. I highlighted and underlined no less than half of each page. It talks about hiding behind this good girl mask that makes us feel comfortable. Good girls don’t make waves, they do whats expected, or even better they go above and beyond to try and impress with their “goodness”. They don’t want to be a burden or express any sign of weakness, they want to have it all together. But inside they are struggling. They never think they are good enough.
This is me. I’m a good girl.
I’ve never had a desire to be anything else. I’ve never just wanted to be rebellious. But my desire to be good trumps everything else. I hide in the identity of being the “good Christian” instead of the identity of me.
Hannah- Daughter of the Most High King. Redeemed by the blood of Christ. Forgiven. Free. Inseparable from the love of God. Cherished. Beautiful. Enough.
My desire to be good has grown a fear in me. A fear that tells me I’m not enough. I’m not pretty enough, I’m not bubbly enough, I’m not funny enough, I’m not a good enough daughter, sister, student, christian. Thats when we lose sight of love. God did not give us the spirit of fear. Any fear we have is not from Him. He is love.
But Love leads.”
Love calls us into grace. Love gives us that identity that sets us free from that good girl hiding place. Love leads us to the arms of Christ. Love leads.