If I could pick one book (other than the Bible) and hold it up while dancing around and screaming “Hallelujah!”, this book would be it.
Each new chapter I read, I let out a long sigh. Emily’s words bring to light what I have been fighting for so long, and by grace, those chains are being loosened.
So lets get into it shall we?
How are you doing today?
Emily talks about hiding behind the “fine” that is the normal “good girl” answer. Not too overbearing, has everything together, and is “fine” through it all. Sometimes we really are “fine”, but a lot of the time it suffocates the words that really want to come out. It allows fear to rule. I hide behind fine, because who wants to hear all the junk rattling around in my head? Thats where the bulk of my battle is. I don’t have a lot of actual drama in my life (Praise the Lord), but my struggles with insecurity are just as real. Hiding behind the fine is easier and more comfortable than trying to let you in to the craziness of my head.
But the hiding, is still hiding. And hiding is not growing. Hiding is not grace. I don’t have to hash out every detail when someone asks how I am, but I can share more than “fine.”
Being confident to share more reassures that my identity is in Christ alone. My identity is not in what anyone else thinks of me or even what I think they think of me. It’s not in what I’m doing to be a “better Christian” or how “good” my answers are.
On Pg. 65 Emily writes, “Anything we do to get life and identity outside of Christ is an idol, even service to Christ. He doesn’t want my service, He wants me.”
These chapters revealed to me how much I have been focused on pleasing God instead of being in a relationship with Him. I was so wrapped up in what I was going to do for the Kingdom thinking that was what God wanted from me. And as a good girl, it had to be perfect. Yes God has a plan for me, but God is not a business. He didn’t create us to simply do His work on this planet. That work comes from the overflow of praise we have for Him, once we know Him.
Who am I to think that if I don’t do something, its not going to get done? I can’t do everything, but God can. My identity is not in what I do or don’t do, but rests in what Christ has already done for me.
He doesn’t want my to-do lists or plans, He wants me to trust Him.
“But once I trust God, pleasing Him is automatic.” -pg. 65
He simply wants me. Me with all my messiness. Me with all my insecurity. Me.
I will rest in that.