right now.

sigh.

I’m done telling myself that I’m going to blog regularly.

The only reason I’m blogging right now is because I’m procrastinating the homework that has been haunting me all day.

sigh.

But I’m here now, so {hopefully} I’ll make the most of it!

In fact, thats what I want to talk about. Being here. Right now.

At the beginning of the summer, I talked a lot about the anxiety I had over the future. What I would do, where I would be, and most importantly, would it matter? I wanted (and still do) to feel like I was doing something, something important. I long to be on the front lines, so to speak, of my faith. Living in a hut, in a village with no electricity, with the homeless, with the sick, with the orphans, to see God move.

I know in my head that getting a degree is important, and that it will help me do whatever I’m going to do, but my heart longs for more. Thats it though, its my heart that longs for more. Its my need to feel needed and used and important and valid, that has me longing. Even when the longing is for something “good”, we’re meant to be satisfied and content right where we are. Moving to that hut or village won’t instantly make me feel needed or used or important or valid, I will have simply moved.

I’m not discounting those options at all, I still fully plan on doing so one day (even though you know what they say about when we plan 😉 ) but doing so with the wrong intent, or to find some self worth will only lead to the same longing I can feel right here in Tallahassee.

My heart still longs for more, but I’m working to point it to Christ and Christ alone, and let the rest land where it may. Doing good doesn’t satisfy (even when we think were doing it for Christ) if we are not ourselves saturated and whole in Jesus. When the focus is on Jesus, we will see His heart right where we are. We will be satisfied in waiting and sitting with Him, because He is enough.

I so often forget this thing called grace. That He is always moving in my direction, its not me stretching and working for Him, its Him coming down to be with and work through me. So right now, I will sit with Him. I will rest in knowing that I have Him right now, and He is enough.

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9 thoughts on “right now.

  1. He is enough! He will move you there in His time! And don’t ever forget that you are needed, important, valid and loved! I am so proud of you! Keep reading and writing one word at a time. Before you know it, these years will be gone (speaking from experience here). So enjoy the now while you have it, because it really is all we every have! Love you, Dad

    • You’re the best, Dad! I keep telling myself how much I will wish for these years back when they are gone, and because yes, right now its all I have.
      TE AMO MUCHO!!

  2. Finally got my Hannah fix. I look every day to see a reflections of smart, funny, beautiful and oh, so precious – – – – you. Thanks. You are everything your dad said. LUNMW
    Gramma

  3. Awe how precious to see your family’s sweet comments! I remember being in school and being anxious to be done to move on to the next big thing. Just remember, there will always be a “next big thing”. So you are right to sit and enjoy this moment right now. Because it will never be again.

    Thanks for linking up!

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