Sometimes the reason I don’t blog is because I have so much that I want to talk about. Sometimes trying to push through all the branches in my head and try to make a coherent picture seems too exhausting. So I keep the picture hidden, until I have the courage to push through. But nothing comes out of fear.
I mentioned in my last post how I was trying to be more relaxed about what I was eating. To soak in the moment and so savor whats on my plate. In the very full day at Universal with my seven other family members on my dad’s side (we were missing my oldest brother), I remember moments. When I look back I’ll think of waiting in the blaring sun for a show that lasted ten boring minutes. I’ll hear my brother yelling “POOP” when the lights went out. I’ll remember the two hour wait talking to an older guy for a kiddy-minute roller coaster. I’ll remember the butterbeers, my first bite of fish in three years, calling my brother a piranha, meaning paria, and getting to spend the day with my family (we missed ya Ben!). We laughed, we sweated, we whined (some more than others 😉 ), and we made memories.
I didn’t think about what I was going to eat all day. I didn’t worry about how many calories were in the Butterbeer (I don’t even want to know) or that there weren’t any super healthy choices. And that can be a little scary for me. Not obsessing about it means that I have to be present, allowing myself to not hide behind food. Now, it was a little easier because it was with my family, but for me that was a perfect place to start.
So I don’t know exactly what this means from here on out. But I know I’m going to feed my soul first. In The Word, and in moments that fill it up. I’ll move and exercise because it make me fell good and strong, not out of obligation. I’ll eat out of response to caring for my body, foods that are good for me and good for the environment. Choosing to let grace cover the legalistic thoughts that tell me I should do otherwise. I’ll choose moments over fear, grace over hiding. I’ll choose Him, and let the rest fall where it may.