Crouds make me nervous. That instant panic of not seeing anyone you know. Only seeing the backs of people standing in their groups, knowing they all already know someone. The introvert in me wants to run.
I’ve run before. I’ve left early because it got too uncomfortable. I’ve skipped out on things to sit in my bed and read, telling myself that being introverted was just part of who I am. But thats a big, bold-face, lie.
Theres a difference between part of who we are and growing into something more. And growth, can hurt a little. Growth can be uncomfortable. (Charlie horses anyone??)
Last night at cru, I got there early and all the groups were formed. I know a lot of the people at cru, so its gotten easier, but there is still that little twinge that tells me I’ll be the awkward loner standing in a corner. I get the same feeling going to retreats and pretty much anything with large groups of people. But you know what? People kind of like to talk to other people. People like being relational. Every time I’ve been worried, I end up so grateful I didn’t run. I end up grateful for the discomfort because of the blessing.
My prayer last night was that I would start to love being uncomfortable. That I would know that when I am most uncomfortable, the Lord will meet me there. That when I am weak, He is strong.
As I’m walking this healing journey, I know its going to get uncomfortable. But I’m going to be growing. I’m going to have engage in that discomfort so I can lean with all I’ve got into the Lord. I’ll learn to love that feeling, knowing that there is a greater blessing on the other side, knowing that theres healing.