day 12: engage

On the way there I think of all the things I could talk about. I’ll line up the good for the moments of praise and the bad for the moments meant for deep conversation. But that thing, I’ll talk about that another time. Besides, I’m trying not to think about it too much anyway.

I’ve gotten really good at this. Making conversation, but not really doing it. I can come up with things to say, but it will be calculated to reveal just enough. I’ll know it was enough by your nod and smile and it will end there. Move on to the next.

I barely knew her and she told me exactly how it was in that moment. I just asked her how she was, that was normal right? But she let me know, she brought me into her world for more than the two second answer we normally give. I still remember that short conversation. I want to be like that.

Its easy to ignore the icky stuff. Its easy to believe no one cares about it anyway. Its easy to tell ourselves we should not be wasting time thinking about it. Besides, thinking about it too much is scary. Trying to walk through those thoughts is uncharted territory I’m not sure I’m willing to dive into.

But we must.

I must.

I want to push in to the hard questions even though I’m terrified and unsure. I want to lean in to the walls I’ve put up around thoughts and feelings I didn’t think I could handle feeling, or wasn’t suppose to be having. I want to push until they break. Because this, this is just another form of silence. Its silence within us, telling us we should just cover that up. But because of the beautiful cross and the grace of Jesus we are able to lay everything on the table. We are able to face those emotions and thoughts we thought we needed to bury because we can cover them in Truth. We can know that through Jesus, He can renew our minds and draw those thoughts toward love and joy and peace.

Don’t be afraid to engage. We push in and walk through it, because we know there is healing in it, because there is Jesus.

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2 thoughts on “day 12: engage

  1. I sent a comment yesterday, but don’t see it. Guess I just don’t get it yet. I’ll keep persevering. However, this prayer that start each day with just popped up in this comment box, so I guess it’s meant to send.

    Lord, fill me with your spirit, and give me an enthusiastic and positive attitude for today. Help me to express delight in the people in my life. Each of them has enough burdens to bear: may I not be one of them. Let me not drag my feet into this day, but walk with a spring my step, love in my heart, and a smile of my face because you hold my hand. Let me fulfill the plans you have for me this day through your will and my joy.

    Love you, my spectacular, articulate granddaughter. Let’s see if this one makes it.
    Love you,
    Gramma

  2. Pingback: re-blog: day 12: engage | Adonai Tsidkenu

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