a bigger love

Trying to recap the trip in one post feels like the question, “How was your trip?”

How do I begin to try and answer that?

It was great. I learned so much. I feel different. I miss it.

It’s when I have to explain that I get a little tied up. It’s when I’m back in the States for a week and still feel a little off. Did that trip really happen? Am I really starting my senior year, thinking about grad school or teaching abroad?

Despite a bit of displacement, the time in Guatemala is still changing me. That time is still changing me, because of how God changed me, showed me more of Him, taught me how to draw closer to Him, taught me how to try and listen to Him, and how He changes everything.

This was not what I was expecting to learn in Guatemala. I expected to spend the whole summer in love with the beauty of the country and its people, to form relationships with kids and families that would break my heart to leave. Which, I did. Guatemala is vastly beautiful, mountains, volcanoes, black sand beaches, and cool breezes all day long. Most of the people are kind and naturally generous, willing to talk and share their lives with complete strangers (and gringos). And I loved it there. But I fell in love with the Lord more.

I wanted to fall in love with Guatemala more, and I was angry with God that that wasn’t happening. I wasn’t making the relationships I wanted or living in a low income-crowded area, but rather living in a pretty nice neighborhood in a house with walls, working with cerebral palsy patients, on a coffee farm, hoeing fields and moving dirt. And I wouldn’t have traded any part of it. Through all the broken expectations, God continued to show me that He is more, that He is where my love will grow.

If I would have had it my way, my heart would be a whole lot more broken right now. I miss my team and Guatemala so much, but my heart is still full because His love never leaves me. The One I fell in love with, is the same where ever I am. He is the same at all times, in all circumstances. I feared I would’t feel Him the same way I did there, but that was simply a lie. God is still in Guatemala loving all the people we met there, and He is still with all my teammates pursuing and loving them. He is still with me and always will be.

I can honestly say these past two months have changed my life because I found a Love that changes everything. Regardless of circumstances, time, or emotions, God is the same love I got to know more of in Guatemala and will continue to know the rest of my life.

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