a bigger love

Trying to recap the trip in one post feels like the question, “How was your trip?”

How do I begin to try and answer that?

It was great. I learned so much. I feel different. I miss it.

It’s when I have to explain that I get a little tied up. It’s when I’m back in the States for a week and still feel a little off. Did that trip really happen? Am I really starting my senior year, thinking about grad school or teaching abroad?

Despite a bit of displacement, the time in Guatemala is still changing me. That time is still changing me, because of how God changed me, showed me more of Him, taught me how to draw closer to Him, taught me how to try and listen to Him, and how He changes everything.

This was not what I was expecting to learn in Guatemala. I expected to spend the whole summer in love with the beauty of the country and its people, to form relationships with kids and families that would break my heart to leave. Which, I did. Guatemala is vastly beautiful, mountains, volcanoes, black sand beaches, and cool breezes all day long. Most of the people are kind and naturally generous, willing to talk and share their lives with complete strangers (and gringos). And I loved it there. But I fell in love with the Lord more.

I wanted to fall in love with Guatemala more, and I was angry with God that that wasn’t happening. I wasn’t making the relationships I wanted or living in a low income-crowded area, but rather living in a pretty nice neighborhood in a house with walls, working with cerebral palsy patients, on a coffee farm, hoeing fields and moving dirt. And I wouldn’t have traded any part of it. Through all the broken expectations, God continued to show me that He is more, that He is where my love will grow.

If I would have had it my way, my heart would be a whole lot more broken right now. I miss my team and Guatemala so much, but my heart is still full because His love never leaves me. The One I fell in love with, is the same where ever I am. He is the same at all times, in all circumstances. I feared I would’t feel Him the same way I did there, but that was simply a lie. God is still in Guatemala loving all the people we met there, and He is still with all my teammates pursuing and loving them. He is still with me and always will be.

I can honestly say these past two months have changed my life because I found a Love that changes everything. Regardless of circumstances, time, or emotions, God is the same love I got to know more of in Guatemala and will continue to know the rest of my life.

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3 thoughts on “a bigger love

  1. Among your most endearing qualities is that you are constantly seeking God, even when you get a little angry with what He’s doing. Others of us (me included) would be wise to be so much in love with Him. Another of your endearing qualities is that even though you have this extremely rich relationship with God, you can still be that precious and sweet and fun and honest and mischievous and silly and kind and encouraging to your little sister kind of granddaughter that I love so much. I loved Wednesday and love you.
    Gramma

  2. I loved reading this while in Honduras! Now that I am back, I can comment! 🙂 I think I said this in one of your earlier posts, but It is VERY apparent that God has you exactly where He wants you. You have fallen in love with a God that surpasses understanding. That can be overwhelming at times (OK, all the time). I pray that you never loose that understanding at the center of your heart! He is the only thing that can fill that place. I like how you express it… “my heart is still full because His love never leaves me.” Hard as it may be when everyday-life filters in, try to allow his daily newness/freshness to keep you in that place! You are spiritually wise beyond your years. I am so thankful that God has allowed me to be your dad and let me borrow you for this lifetime!

    I Love you,
    Dad

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