Oh Mondays. Particularly the Monday after Spring Break.
I had a training today and had to have a sub, so I’m interested to see what awaits for me tomorrow. I’m looking forward to seeing my students and really feeling back into routine :).
I haven’t fully completed a Daniel Fast since my freshman year of college, 6 years ago (WHAT), and today felt similarly to the other times I have tried to start. I go to bed feeling committed, but I wake up with motivation quickly waning. Over the years, I’ve gotten really good at giving myself grace in these situations, knowing my worth or how Jesus loves is not tied to my ability to successfully adhere to dietary restrictions. Which is true, however it is also an excuse to back out of my commitments and give in or justify my reason for an action I said I wouldn’t do.
Today was no different. I kept thinking, “do I really need to do this?” or “can’t I just do this in moderation?” -Thoughts that were trying to do let me start tomorrow or not at all or just giving me an out.
So, I didn’t have an ideal first day. Even though I knew my team would want to go out for lunch and I prepared for that, I chose not to bring in my packed lunch because I felt uncomfortable about it. I also didn’t have to walk into the chocolate store they insisted on going to either..
Anywho. Today I remembered and realized that to make real changes is going to feel uncomfortable. But, it is always my choice. No one would have really cared if I brought in my lunch and ate it, and no one would have cared if I was the only one not getting a small chocolate. I am going to have to be prepared, both emotionally and practically (bringing food, etc..) to feel uncomfortable and to know that I don’t have to participate in everything to still be a part of something.
I’m still taking today as a good start. When I started this post, I was going to share a scripture and how I took it to today and this fast, etc.. but I’ll save that for tomorrow. 🙂
I’m excited to continue and feel good about doing so. I look forward to learning more about grace and stick-to-it-ness, or letting my yess’s be yes and my no’s be no’s.